Who should you bring with you when touring senior living communities? That depends on so many factors, from your family and romantic relationship status to your personal preferences. If you’re not sure who to bring along or you’re struggling to narrow it down, we’ve got you covered with some tips for choosing the right person, plus a few notes on common companions for senior living tours and things to discuss before the big day.
Tips for Choosing the Right Support Person
Before we explore the ins and outs of bringing your spouse versus your children versus someone else, let’s cover some “musts” for choosing someone who will give you the support you need.
You’ll want to choose someone who:
- Respects your autonomy, independence, and boundaries. We’ve put this first because it’s perhaps the most important consideration. While your friends and family members may have thoughts on what’s best for your needs for this phase of life, you know yourself best, and you’re in control of your own life. The person you choose should respect that — although you should both be willing to compromise and hear each other out.
- Lets you take the lead while also supporting you. Whoever you bring along for the tour shouldn’t interrupt you or speak over you while talking with staff. They should never invalidate or downplay your feelings, concerns, needs, or preferences. Think of them as an assistant — they can help you remember things you want to ask about, or help you fill in any gaps.
- Is reliable. You should also choose someone who does what they say they’ll do. The last thing you want is to book a tour, only for your companion to ditch you without explaining or rescheduling. This applies even if you’re meeting them at the community instead of carpooling together.
- Stays calm and collected in times of friction or tension. Touring a senior living community is already an emotional process. If you’re treated inappropriately by staff or spot any other red flags on your tour, your companion should have your back while also respecting your autonomy. Before addressing it, they should check with you first to ensure you’re okay with their response. And they should never verbally abuse any resident or member of staff, or do anything that could put your eligibility or application at risk.
- Can provide an honest second opinion you can trust. Whoever comes with you on the tour should care about your wellbeing enough to give you their honest opinion. Even if you have your heart set on a place, your companion may have noticed issues or hazards on the tour. They should share those with you upfront without sugarcoating or overexaggerating, even if it means telling you something you don’t necessarily want to hear.
Who Should You Bring? Common Companions for Senior Living Tours
Your Spouse or Partner
If you’re touring retirement communities and independent living spaces where you’ll be cohabiting with your spouse or partner, you’ll definitely want to bring them along to see where they’ll be living.
The best senior living communities will consider both your needs and preferences, individually and as a unit, when creating your personalized care plans.
Your Child(ren)
Bringing your child(ren) along with you for a tour of a senior living community is an obvious choice, but one that so often causes friction among family members.
In the case of larger families, your children might all have different ideas about what’s best for you. It’s important that they learn to communicate and compromise ahead of any touring to prevent any disagreements.
Before the tour, chat with your child(ren) to set boundaries and expectations for the tour and your senior living arrangements as a whole.
A Sibling or Another Relative
If you don’t have children or a partner, or you’d prefer not to involve them, you may ask another family member to accompany you instead.
A sibling is a good choice since they’re usually closer in age to you and will be more familiar with the unique needs and care you require at this stage of life. They also may have more life experience compared to your child(ren).
People without siblings may consult another relative, like a cousin, who can provide support.
A Friend or Neighbor
If you’re single, childless, or simply prefer not to involve your family at all, you might consider asking a friend or neighbor to join you instead.
You may have confided things in your friends and neighbors that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with your children or family, for whatever reason. This level of intimacy can come in handy for a senior living tour, which can bring up unexpected or difficult emotions.
Some people may prefer to bring along someone who’s totally outside their main circle of family and friends. This may be someone you attend church with, a fellow member of your community group, or even a professional acquaintance, like a solicitor or ombudsman.
Where other family members may be “too close” to you or the situation to remain unbiased, an acquaintance can provide a more balanced assessment of any community you visit.
Choosing someone with experience in personal care or senior living can ensure all your bases are covered. They may know things or have questions you wouldn’t have thought of because of a lack of knowledge in a certain area.
Things to Consider When Bringing Multiple People
It’s not uncommon for prospective residents to bring multiple visitors along for a tour — most commonly their spouse and children.
While many senior living communities welcome the entire family to join you for a tour, others have visitor restrictions or limitations in place for various reasons. Be sure to check with staff before showing up with a group of people, just in case.
What to Discuss Before the Tour
- Boundaries: Are there any questions you’d prefer to ask staff yourself, or discuss privately? Is there anything you want your companion to avoid doing or saying on the tour? Take some time to really think about it, then discuss those boundaries with your companion. If they push back or refuse to accept your boundaries, consider finding another companion.
- Expectations: Let your companion know roughly how long the tour will be and what’s expected of them beforehand. Do you need to let staff know who will be accompanying you? Will they need to register their information at the front office? Are there certain areas that are off limits to visitors? Knowing all this beforehand can prevent unexpected issues and ensure a seamless visit.
- Their thoughts and feelings: Even though you’re the one in charge, your companion should also feel comfortable sharing any thoughts or concerns they have with you. Remember, you may also be too close to the situation to remain unbiased. So try to understand where your companion is coming from, even if they share something you don’t necessarily believe or agree with. Open, honest communication is a two-way street.
Additional Resources
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Frequently asked questions
Do I really need to bring someone with me on a senior living tour?
You don’t have to, but it’s often very helpful. A trusted support person can help you notice details you might miss, remember what was said, ask additional questions, and talk things through with you afterward. Think of them as an extra set of eyes, ears, and notes—not a decision-maker for you.
What qualities should I look for in a support person?
Choose someone who respects your independence, lets you lead the conversation, stays calm even when things are emotional, and gives you honest feedback you can trust. They should support your choices—not take over or tell you what to do.
Is it okay to bring more than one person on the tour?
Yes, many people bring a spouse and an adult child, or two children. Just check with the community ahead of time to see if there are any visitor limits. Also be sure everyone understands that you are the decision-maker and agree to keep the focus on your needs.
What if I don’t have a spouse or children to bring with me?
You can absolutely ask a sibling, cousin, close friend, neighbor, faith leader, or trusted community member to join you. The most important thing is that they care about your well-being, respect your wishes, and can offer calm, honest feedback.
Disclaimer: Information provided above may vary by community. We encourage you to speak directly with each Senior Living community to confirm specific details and ensure the community is the right fit for your individual needs and preferences.
