No one wants to think about red flags and other potential problems when transitioning to senior living, but knowing how to spot them can make all the difference to your decision-making process.
What are some examples of red flags in senior living? What should you do before the tour to ensure you’re able to recognize red flags? We’ve got answers to all your questions, plus a few more, all based on lived experience of touring senior living communities with our own loved ones.
Related Reading: What to Expect During a Senior Living Tour
Of course, this isn’t a complete list of the red flags you might spot. Your family will likely have specific red flags in mind based on your loved one’s personal care needs, as well as previous experience with other senior family members.
Take some time to build out your own list of red flags, including these 5 as a starting point:
Now that you’ve got a good idea of some of the red flags you might see on a senior living tour, here are a few tips to help you prepare well.
The more information you have before the tour, the more equipped you’ll be to recognize red flags when you see them. From “fine print” items like laws and regulations to real insights from current residents and their families, your research process will arm you with all sorts of details that will come in handy.
A short list of some things you should research before your tour:
Related Reading: 11 Tips for Researching Senior Living Options Online
Having someone you trust join you on the tour gives you extra coverage and peace of mind. Your companion(s) may spot things you miss, or ask questions you didn’t think of.
Should you bring your parent along for the tour? The right answer to that question will look different for every family. If you’re an adult child who’s on the fence about bringing your parent, it’s okay to spend some time making up your mind. Agreeing without being fully prepared can cause extra stress and tension.
If your parent is happy to tag along, or you see no reason not to include them, there are plenty of things you can to do involve them without overwhelming them.
RELATED READING: Who Should Join You on The Tour?
If a question pops into your head at any point before, during, or after the tour, don’t be afraid to ask directly. The peace of mind that comes with trying to get an answer — even if you’re not satisfied with it, or you don’t get one at all — is much better than the regret that comes with not asking.
You don’t know what you don’t know; often, the only way to learn is to ask. How staff members address your questions and concerns can also tell you a lot about how they interact with families in general.
Of course, some questions may only come to you after the tour is done. In this case, feel free to call or email staff with any follow-up questions.
Related Reading: Questions to Ask During a Senior Living Tour
Nutrition is, understandably, a big concern for families transitioning to senior living. One of the best ways to adequately determine the quality of a community’s food is to eat a meal there yourself.
Always ask first before simply showing up at mealtime, as there may be extra requirements for visitors in dining areas. Let staff know if you have any dietary restrictions, and pay attention to how they accommodate special requests.
As part of your pre-tour research process, look into the community’s health inspection history and ratings. While most communities likely won’t let you tour the kitchens and other staff-only areas, eating a meal yourself will give you a good idea of the community’s food preparation measures.
As well as the food quality (and quantity), pay attention to how other residents are served and treated during mealtimes. Is the communal dining space warm and welcoming? Roughly how many residents dine together, versus privately in their rooms or apartments?
Finally, feel free to chat with other residents about the food while making your own observations. Never any harm in asking for other opinions!
If a senior living community is hesitant to provide important documents in writing or another type of official hard copy, that’s a major red flag. Be sure to ask about the community’s documentation processes at some point during the tour.
Not everything will need to be set out in writing, of course. And some kinds of written communications, like emails, should have a certain minimum level of security to protect the resident’s sensitive information.
Here are a few examples of documents communities should routinely provide in writing:
Related Reading: Getting Ready for Senior Living: The Paperwork Essentials
An ombudsman is a government employee or agency that advocates for senior living residents and their families. Your local ombudsman can provide resources and advice specific to your needs and area.
If you’re unsure about anything before the tour, don’t hesitate to consult the ombudsman assigned to that community. Many ombudsmen have websites with answers to frequently asked questions, and they’re usually available for one-to-one appointments for personalized guidance.
Feeling “bad vibes” at any point on the tour might indicate a genuine red flag — even if you don’t know what it is, or how to explain what you’re feeling.
Also, something that’s a red flag to you might not necessarily be illegal or even uncommon. For example, some states don’t set requirements for fresh fruits and vegetables on senior living menus. That said, a menu of mostly processed food would also be a red flag for most families.
Some red flags are subtle, while others may be “orange” or “yellow” flags. A community can look perfect on paper, but seemingly small things, like the staff’s body language when interacting with you and others, can make or break your decision. That’s why it’s so important to tour senior living communities in person.
With your research well under way and the tour booked, what should you do if you end up spotting a red flag? And how can you determine whether a red flag needs to be addressed at all? Here are our top 5 tips, based on personal experience with our own families and things we wish we’d known before the tour:
Touring a senior living community can be an emotional ordeal for so many families. This phase of life is a big transition for everyone. Doing something fun or nourishing right before the big day can help you feel more emotionally balanced.
This doesn’t mean bottling up all your emotions and pretending they don’t exist. (Doing so might actually have the opposite effect for your tour!) Do some exploring to unpack how you’re feeling and discover strategies for processing it all. A calm, clear mind means sharper focus, which will help a lot with our next tip.
As well as basic info about the senior living community you’re touring, also consider what your family is looking for in senior living.
As far as red flags are concerned, what counts as a red flag to your family? What are the deal-breakers, and what are you willing to compromise on? What’s your plan for addressing red flags if you spot one while on the tour?
Talk to your companions and/or your senior loved one, if you’re including them on the tour, to ensure you’re all on the same page.
Related Reading: Supporting the Family When a Loved One Moves Into Senior Living
Try your best to be fully present throughout the tour. Feel free to take notes (ideally in a physical or digital journal) during the tour, and be sure to note anything that feels “off”.
Just be mindful of your surroundings, including your party, other residents, and staff. Being curious and courteous has a much better chance of getting the answers you want than being accusatory or hostile.
Giving yourself time to fully process the tour and reflect on how it went afterward can prevent emotionally charged decisions and interactions in the moment.
Even if you do your best to ground yourself beforehand, it’s still natural for difficult emotions to crop up during any tour, even one with zero red flags. Being in an emotionally vulnerable state can cause people to do and say things they wouldn’t normally, without realizing until after.
This applies not just to you, but to everyone you bring along on the tour. Encourage your companions to be present with you and give themselves time to digest everything.
While it’s important to stay alert to red flags, going into a tour determined to “catch” every flaw can backfire. You’ll almost always find something, even in excellent communities—and you may miss the green flags that really matter. Instead, walk in with a balanced, open mindset.
It’s like buying or moving into a new home… No senior living community is going to be your idea of “perfect”, but many are far more welcoming, modern, and thoughtfully designed than they were even 15–20 years ago. You might be pleasantly surprised by how good today’s options can feel.
Disclaimer: Information provided above may vary by community. We encourage you to speak directly with each Senior Living community to confirm specific details and ensure the community is the right fit for your individual needs and preferences.
